Jacopo and Emanuele are still cracking me up. They were singing "Let's get physical" at our last lesson. We played my version of Apples to Apples for our lesson on Describing People. I made the mistake of asking them to describe their mother. They said Fat and Angry. I really struggled not to laugh because they're right! She is angry like a fat little pitbull. And for me they said Nice and Kind. Either they're kissing up or they didn't learn the right definition because when Emanuele was rushing me out the door saying "Goodbye, Chelsea, goodbye" I started moving extra slowly just to be a dick. Emanuele is not the boss of me. Of course I had to bring up Lady Gaga. Out of the blue I asked Jacopo if he likes her and he got excited like "Oh! Paparazzi! Yes!" and then I let them listen to her on my ipod. We also devoured a bag of cookies together and I mean I devoured them while they wrestled. They really are learning English, I promise. We played Guess Who? and they were convinced that Joe was a woman and I considered teaching them Gay and Dykey and Flaming because in their school books was this picture/conversation between a young boy and girl hanging out in a bedroom and the boy says "Doris, that red dress is fab!". Maybe next week we'll have a Gay Vocabulary lesson and I'll teach them Fierce and It's Beyond and we can watch Lady Gaga videos. Am I the best gay English teacher or what.
Davide took Dana and I to dinner at his friend's house. I got all giddy about it. There were two women there who were being so friendly and I thought They can't be Italian and sure enough they were Germans. We had shrimp pasta and I was two or three glasses of wine in and accidentally ate the shrimp heads and the shells, all the parts you aren't supposed to eat because sometimes I am a drunk moron. But I was charming the pants off of everyone and that always feels good, to be the cutest funniest person in the room. I was gushing about Lady Gaga and asking them why they have spoons in the living room is it to freebase your drugs? and bringing up my favorite Caravaggio painting. Real charming stuff. It's this one by the way:
Before I went to bed that night I wrote this in my journal "I'm gonna make rice pudding in the morning, I swear to God. Then I'm gonna figure out my fucking life". That's a tall order, drunk Chelsea! I did neither of those things by the way.
I live just north of the Vatican. Impressive, right? I live near the Vatican. Say it out loud and tell me you don't feel cooler. I made an impromptu trip to St. Peter's Basilica yesterday and it made me uneasy. It's so ostentatious and I thought, "Sarah Silverman is right, sell the damn thing". I'm so over it.
Remember when I was living in a tree house in Spain? I never told you this but the lady I was staying with, Ute, I think she hated me. I don't know why. Well I have a theory that it's because she thought I might sleep with her boyfriend but there was definitely no risk of that happening because he was skinny and dirty and he wore chain-link tank tops. And I just wanted Ute to like me, I couldn't have given a shit about Bernie. He was always telling Ute to lose weight and asking me how much I weighed. Sorry we can't all subsist on one watermelon a day like you do, jackal ass. When I spent a few days in Cadiz and came back I said jokingly to Ute "Did you miss me?" and she just straight up said "No". She had a terrible sense of humor. Her and Bernie were always eating dinner and not inviting me to join which is awkward when you are the only three people for miles and miles and you share a home. One time I made pasta sauce and they wouldn't eat it, they used ketchup instead. Plebeians. Plus there was that fucking owl. The best part about the whole thing was the fig tree. If it weren't for that fig tree I may have slept with Bernie just for something to do.
Yusuf/Cat Stevens is performing in London in December and I can't find tickets. I'm only dancing on this earth for a short while and in that short while I would like to see my kitty Cat perform live. Maybe I'll go to the Vatican (I live just north of it) and pray for tickets or ask a friar or a Swiss Guard. They seem to know what's going on. Or I'll go to the Trevi Fountain and throw a coin in behind me and make a wishy wish. Yes, I have been infected with Sivanese. I only say 'choco' now, never 'chocolate'. And I try not to use the word 'amazing' because Sivan hates that word. At least she did in 2005 on her livejournal. Hi Sivany! I love you!
If you have a Naked Kenny story, please email it to me. I'm collecting them for a project I'm doing for December the 9th so I don't feel too terribly terrible on that wretched day in history.
Thanks for the shout out. I still hate the word amazing. It's very rarely appropriate and entirely overused. When I say something is amazing it's got to be pretty fucking amazing.
ReplyDeleteWorking on my naked Kenny story. Having trouble distinguishing because he was always naked.
Sivan, that's how I feel about the word "awesome".
ReplyDelete