If there were a newspaper for the treehouse I live in, today´s headline would read COWS ENTER PROPERTY, DESTROY TREES. That really happened! The neighbor didn´t have his electric fence turned on and his cows came over while we were at the beach and they shit everywhere and damaged an orange tree and Ute´s birthday tree. If I were writing this story for the newspaper, I would want to interview the idiot farmer and ask him why he didn´t have his fence turned on, why is his brother drooling and what does he plan to do to make it up to us. I mean Bernie and Ute. Not me. I´m just a reporter for the smallest newspaper in Spain.
One of my goals for this trip was to get over my disgust for olives. Well guess who ate like forty olives this week? That´s right losers, ME. I pretty much eat olives now, whatever. It won´t make the front page of the paper or anything but I think it´s pretty cool. I also am still eating a lot of dates. It´s hard not to imagine I´m eating little baby cockroaches. Sometimes I have to look down and make sure. Last night I thought I would try to make eggplant for dinner even though I´d never prepared it before. It was disgusting. I cooked it in olive oil and curry powder and ended up having to cover it in ketchup just to choke it down and I mean choke. Definitely ranks as one of the grossest things I´ve ever eaten. But far more successful was the fig marmalade I made all by myself. Yeah that´s worth an EXTRY EXTRY READ ALL ABOUT IT CITY GIRL MAKES PRETTY GOOD FIG JAM.
Of course I have also been drinking soooooo much kombucha. It makes me STRONGER. I have so much energy. Too much. I made a movie on my camera but I can´t figure out how to upload it yet. I will and I hope you will like it. More importantly I hope the film critic from the local paper likes it.
Know what I love? Ibuprofen gel. The soothing effects of ibuprofen in my favorite form of matter....gel. I rub it all over until I can´t move. It also makes me STRONGER. Now for something I hate. Dogs. Ute and Bernie have four dogs. Leyka is big and stupid and in heat so all of the other dogs are going fucking crazy. Manu is okay but she has fleas and is the ugliest dog of the bunch. Louisa is my favorite because I never see her and when I do, she doesn´t come near me. Plus she runs around wacko-like in circles, it´s pretty funny. And finally, Snoopy. Snoopy has no boundaries and thinks he is better than me. I hate him.
Oh yes and how could I forget the page 2 news SNAKE ENTERS MOUSE FARM, KILLS TWO. But then he lost his poison and the mice started biting him.
I spend long periods of time not using my voice and so when I finally do I sound like Peter Brady. I´m like a monk who has been forced to take a vow of silence but a special monk who wears women´s underwear and reads The Da Vinci Code.
More kombucha, more kombucha, come and join us, come and join us
Eggplant is surprisingly the hardest thing ever to cook. First you have to soak it in water for an hour and drain it to leech the tannins. Thats the trick. And I think that eggplant is only good if you coat it in egg and bread crumbs and fry it. Then you can throw it in the oven with some cheese and ketchup. Voila, you have eggplant parmesean in only four hours.
ReplyDeleteI want some fig jam.
It has been decided that we shall spend Christmas together. Me and my whisky+soda have decided; we decree. Or else you will get coal in your little Spanish stocking and nobody wants that now, do they?
ReplyDelete~ Bloom
instead of soaking eggplant I slice it and sprinkle salt all over it to let the "poison" (gross tasting stuff) weep out. It really does weep, so put it in a strainer or something with a plate under it. Then rinse or soak in water and is not bad...simply slice, put salt on the wound and let the thing cry until you finish it off...
ReplyDeleteKaren buys all her eggplant at Diagon alley.
ReplyDeleteMikesaar